I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
