Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just pee around me
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize