I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
