WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
