I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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