It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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