Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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