Acid is not a monday night drug
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
