...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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