I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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