You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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