I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize