What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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