Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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