Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
