There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
