The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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