so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
