I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
