I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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