sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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