I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
