no, he came in my armpit
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
