i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
