I accidentally had phone sex last night
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
