If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
