im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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