and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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