Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
