He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
