She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We left an ass print on the piano.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
