if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
