The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
it glows. i had to have it.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
