I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
