so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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