Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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