i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
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Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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