Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
