Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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