She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
