I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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