i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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