But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
