can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
