the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
