My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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