Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
even my farts smell like vagina
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
