How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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