We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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