Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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