You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
