id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
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You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
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I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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