And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
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Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
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bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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