Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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