absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
