yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
